Torri's Memories

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Time goes by so fast

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Tuesday, June 15, 2010,
I usually don't have a chance to write in my journal until after the children are asleep, and then I'm too tired to make sense most of the time.

Now that Alice is so ill, and I help there as often as I can, my time is completely taken. My heart cries, yes, my heart, to know what Jason and Alice are enduring. Sometimes my faith wavers, and I feel as if the ground under my feet has changed to quicksand.

I'd better get a few hours of sleep. For some reason, students actually expect teachers not t...
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Sorrows and joys

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Saturday, May 22, 2010,
I've been busy trying to rebuild my life after Mike. The kids still write him letters with my help. Whew, so difficult to keep my feelings toward a man who could betray his family and ignore his children to myself. What he doesn't realize is he stole from himself, losing an important part of his life, his children.

I like my job. Teaching has always been enjoyable. I love to watch that understanding light go on.

My best friend, Alice, and her husband moved back from Chicago. I'm so glad to be ...
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Thankfully I have a loving family

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Friday, May 14, 2010,
I may not know what it's like to be loved, truly loved, by Mike. I refuse to call him my husband any more. He doesn't fit the definition of even a poor husband.

However, my grandparents and mother's brother and his wife do love me. When my parents died, they took me into their home and hearts. I was seven, confused, and lost, but they surrounded me in love.

When my marriage became a farce, and I could no longer "take" whatever Mike dished out, my true family welcomed me and my children back hom...
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When did I make Mike's problems mine?

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Wednesday, May 12, 2010,
     I was so young when Mike and I married, just seventeen, but still graduated from high school. Did my being so childish blind me to what Mike was? I don't know.
 
     I do know that I was weak and ignorant to allow him to treat me as he did. I allowed him to blame me for all his and our problems. I let him emotionally abuse me. God help me, but I was stupid, and the price was too high.


by Torri



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Stolen dreams

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Thursday, February 25, 2010,
    I had such big dreams when Mike and I married. Jason, who's my best friend's husband, tried to warn me, but I knew best. I was so young and idealistic -- and dumb.

    Every time I look at the pictures on the wall over the sofa, I realize how much was stolen from me. Oh, I could blame it all on Mike, but I allowed him to continue his "indiscretions," put up with his not being a fit husband and father. What is the word that is thrown around? Enable? I was an enabler because I didn't do anyt...
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A normal day goes wrong

Posted by Vivian Zabel on Tuesday, February 23, 2010,
       I was doing laundry, trying to get the kids to take their naps - just a normal day for a teacher-mother who gets to stay at home only during the summer, when school's out. I never dreamed that a phone call would destroy all my hope that my marriage could endure.

       In a way, everything is my fault. I was so stupid, didn't stand up for myself or my children. No back bone and false pride is a bad combination. I'll live to regret my lack of courage.



by Torri

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